Let's just jump right in: parenting is hard work.
Why is it that during safe sex education, they never tell you that being a parent is pretty much non-stop worry, constant self-judgement and, my god, don't even get me started on how hard it is just to walk out the front door!
While at times we all want to check into a hotel, watch 18+ Netflix, and eat a huge amount of chocolate without someone asking, "What's in your mouth?", parenting is also hugely rewarding. If it wasn't, there would be no such thing as the "feral second child."
What that journey, style, and overall outcome looks like is so individual that there is no single "clear answer" to any question, and that is also something we aren't taught.
I'm not convinced that self-judgement only started with the birth of the internet, where we can suddenly input symptoms into Google only to be told we are dying in one of a million ways.
There have always been people we look up to telling us we are doing it wrong; that might be a community leader, it could be our own parents, and most likely it's ourselves. We are unbelievably mean to ourselves.
I suspect you could tell me far more horrible things you have said to yourself today than you can kind.
Let's work on that. It's a lifelong addiction of self-judgement, so it won't be easy, but let's try.
You are the parent your child needs. You know your child better than anyone else. You are their world.
I have worked with families for the last 10 years. I started off calling myself a "consultant," and then I realised my error. I simply do not know anyone's child better than their parents do. I do not live their life, I do not have their good days, and I do not have their bad days. Therefore, I am not a consultant. I am a postnatal facilitator. I just practice asking the right question at the right time and sharing data to empower those same parents to make the most informed decisions possible.
Personally, I really enjoy looking at the history of why we do the things we do.
Have you ever thought: "Who decided we should put wheels on that baby?" Said like that, it sounds utterly insane, yet a huge number of us have spent hours and a small fortune choosing a pram.
The history is that William Kent, architect for the Duke of Devonshire, invented it in the 1730s initially to be pulled along by animals. Now that is insane. It became such a popular party piece that others wanted one for themselves, and the rest, as they say, is history.
There are fun stories like this interwoven with the choices we make every day, and some can answer those worries we have, potentially allowing us to be kinder to ourselves. After all, at least you didn't have your pet goat pull your child along in an oversized, wheeled clam shell today!
I want to work on my own self-judgement too. I am not always kind to myself, and I can promise I make a lot of mistakes every day. If you want some good stories, by all means, ask me.
What I would like to do is invite you to join me on an open exploration of kindness toward ourselves. On this journey, I will be regularly writing for Wycombe Pulse covering a wide range of topics.
Please let me know what you would like to see next, and I'll see what I can do!
Jodie has just launched the No Perfect Parent Company CIC, right here in High Wycombe — and she'll be writing a regular column for us on parenting and early years. Watch this space for local parenting events too!
More from Jodie: what cabin crew life taught her about parenting, and the pressure to buy baby products.
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